Life is so much better after having sex.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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