if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
