There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
