you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
