So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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