In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize