someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
