you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
