Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
