talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
