Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
