Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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