hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
