I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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