did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
