Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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