A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
