shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
