There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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