You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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