I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
