he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
