Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
