Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
