My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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