i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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