Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
