I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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