found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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