Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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