Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
