She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
