Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
