You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
