he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
