ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize