highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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