I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
