her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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