Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
