Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
They took my balls.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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