some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize