What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
