Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
