Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
