Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
