You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
