two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize