Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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