the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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