hotel room ftw
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
