dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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