Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize