The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
