Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
