Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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