This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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