Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize