I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
