I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
