The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
