I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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