I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
