Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He passed out mid-signature
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Randomize
