Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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