the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
