pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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