Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
